EDIT: Seriously, my existential crisis was a big thing to have happen to me, and I just wanted to write about it. If you think it's stupid, I don't care. If you don't care, that's fine. Don't look in to it too much. I mean, I doubt you will, but don't re-evaluate your own existence because of this. Argh, I'm being pretentious again. ;_;
I really wanted a post to show my thoughts about why I'm here. It's been an issue that has troubled me for a few months. We've all given it some consideration, but recently it seemed that all of my subconscious thought was dominated by these questions. Now I have a theory, and decent enough reason to believe it. I'd like to think that some observant people knew that this was troubling me... fortunately, it's not any more. I respect existentialism a lot more now as a result of it. And all this sounds really pretentious, but this is the last time I'll ever bring it up! I swear!
So, let me start by saying that all these beliefs are fully agnostic. Arguably, they don't really make sense. And this is most people's arguments against other beliefs. The creationists argue that matter couldn't spontaneously create life; the atheists argue that nothing could have the power to create such a universe, and question how a creator itself came to be. So I simply came to my theory that made most sense.
I've gone through many beliefs and evaluated them, and the most likely one I've thought of is that our universe created itself. After trillions of years of existence, the universe, specifically minds made up of the matter in the universe, create another universe. A race of superintelligent beings, of indeterminate origin, (although, I don't believe in aliens, so I'd imagine humans), will find a way to create a universe. I heard speculation of the possibility of this, and I guess I like this theory. Because the amount of energy and matter in that universe at the beginning of its creation, (before the Big Bang, the pinprick of stuff that existed), was exactly the same, the stuff that happened in this universe was exactly the same as the universe that created it. This universe would exist in equal but separate dimensions, (including time, of course), and thus, is in fact the same thing as the one that created it. You can either look at this as infinity, or one. Infinity, as in each universe creates the next, and nobody can discern which the original was. One, as in the same thing therefore the same events, as I explained. The latter is how I view our universe, although there is arguably no difference. It's a comfortable compromise between creationism and "Stuff just happened, what the hell". Most atheists really believe this, that everything just happened, with no explicable reason.
And yet, most atheists wouldn't admit to being nihilists. I myself am a nihilist, but a reluctant one. I don't believe that any supreme being wills us to exist, and that we exist simply because that is all we know how to do. I am fully aware that the instinct of organisms is to reproduce and stay alive, but this doesn't answer why. Many people seem to think that this is the meaning of our existence, but it's not. It's like a good beginning to a theory. A D-Grade in nullifying nihilism. Outwardly, I do care what my actions are, and their effects, because I enjoy life. I'm still agnostic about stuff, for one thing, and also, I figured that since life is the only thing everyone knows how to do, I should live it like my instinct wants me to. Inwardly, I know that none of it matters.
One other thing is that I don't believe in free will. I do believe in a great impression of it, and this is all that matters to a human. Really, everything you do is defined by the structure of your brain. And there is no other way it could happen. Take flipping a coin. The probability of the outcome being heads is either 0 or 1, and since humans can't actually work out which it will be, we think it is 0.5. The flip of the coin is all decided by pressure applied by the flipper, the behaviour of the air, gravity, the coin's mass... Nothing on earth can figure out the outcome. And really, this is all your brain is. Dependent on the structure of your brain, the positions of the neurons in it, you will either think that this article is just pretentious drivel, or, (hopefully), something more thought-provoking. Overall, everything is defined by causality, and the universe can only take one path of events.
Please remember that I'm not certain of any of this. And I don't denounce new theories straight away. I'd enjoy talking to you about this, whoever you are. Just because I've given up thinking about it all for a while doesn't mean it doesn't interest me, nor am I committed to that in any way. And if not... well, thanks for reading.