20 February 2006


Well... I have been meaning to publish this onto the internet for ages. Well, at least a month.

Our school has introduced a new, unfair award scheme. It is appalling. How it goes is: Instead of buying the regular mix of vinegar-soaked chips, dry, plastic-y pizza, and cold beans for dinner, we are encouraged to indulge in something that is not composed of the 3 elements of school dinners: salt, fat and sugar. Which is alright to be honest. This sort of thing is pretty much inevitable. However they have taken it too far. They have resorted to bribery. So now, instead of buying a cheese sandwich, pay 20p extra for a cheese and SALAD sandwich, pick out the dry bits of cucumber and the dregs of slimy, butter-soaked lettuce, and you have got yourself 10 whole swapits. Or so. In any case, that should be enough to get you started. So in our assembly informing us of this great oppurtunity, we hear the clich├ęd phrase, "Log on to dubbleyudubbleyudotswapitsdotcom!!", actually an erroneous URL, however the millions of fliers drifting over the floors at school confirmed the correct site. And now it seems that the craze is up. A month later we hear that "The snackbar was almost sold out of healthy food". I could argue that this wouldn't take very long, and I may be right, but of course I haven't succumbed to partaking in the scam. The food may be good but it is tainted, TAINTED I SAY! Either way, I wouldn't have a clue.

Anyway, how I see it, it is a giant scam. Suspicious thing is that the healthy food costs more. It's a fact that chips are cheaper to produce but they are still quite probably overpriced too. And healthy food costs about twice as much than to make dinner in the morning. So you don't have to bother packing a lunch, granted, but instead have the joy of sitting amongst the idiots at our school rather than in a corner in your form room! And guess what, you get Swapits! I can't believe people are stupid enough to fall for it. But hey maybe I can. Knowing the average mindspan of the apes at our school, they'll have the simple notion of "Free Stuff", and they're off. So there we go. I bet most of them get the swapits and realise that the site is about as accessible as a wheelchair shop situated atop a clock tower.

Another thing... the website really is laughable. Or cryable, as the saying goes, I can't decide which. As soon as the page loads you are bombarded with 12 disgusting .gifs, 1 or 2 of which are adverts for things like Lego and "Are you being bullied? The fact that you are buying things off here suggests that you are." Then whisked off to one of the categories; ripping off eBay was unavoidable, and I hate eBay as well. Just take a look round. Again, you don't know whether to laugh or cry.

For example here is an offering for some headings typed out on a Piczo website.
"with this you will get a website with music videos games picz n everything you want for you to custimise ,choose the name ,and style buy this swap and i will send you a password and username for it and also the instructions and site name email me @ bongo-da-bad@hotmail.co.uk or go on my website at www.happy-valentine.piczo.com" (It might be a better layout than the Swapits homepage.)
Really. It is scary. The other day I found a pair of tweezers. You can get lyrics to songs, printed out on A4. It is AWFUL. Here is another typical advert. Most of the CDs are much worse but I was checking if there were any good ones. Turns out there are, if you would trust this advert, and if you love mainstream indie (Yes, like me, but not that much. 2 bands maybe. There's no Pavement on Swapits.) "THIS IS A GREAT NEVER USED BEFORE FRANZ FERDINAND ALBUM INCLUDING SONGS LIKE .....TAKE ME OUT!!!AND THIS FIRE!!!!!!!!!!! SEARCH JJ55 AND SEE MY GREAT DEAL FOR VANS SWEATBANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So I have to resist my urge to rip the print screens of the homepage off the wall as I walk past the canteens. They honestly just go onto the website and Click File -> print. Then stick the chopped-off pages around school. It encourages gambling, and personally I don't care about that but if you told our headteacher that the school encouraged gambling you can imagine the results. I honestly can't think of a reason why it wouldn't count as a form of gambling.

And there are more reasons. Since this is my second blog I might have to urge you to click comment now. Please? OK. Tell me if you have any more reasons why swapits should be condemned to hell. Oh, and thanks for reading all of that, it took me a good hour to write, and I appreciate it.


And yes, another reason I'm annoyed is because of course, I bring half-decent food every day. Where is my reward? But no I don't give the school money, so no I am living with no pleasure in my life. It is not complete without 50 Cent lyrics printed in Times New Roman size 12 onto A4. Had to add that, sorry. ;)


Anonymous said...

hey stephen tis beth! lol wat a random blog all about SWAPITs lol! but u wunt be stephen otheriwse thts y we luv ya! lol
lv beth xxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

swapits truly are the largest, wankest, shitty little money making scam for dumbass schoolkids ever


Anonymous said...

wot eva LOSA

Anonymous said...

Haha that was really funny 2 read! thanks for cheerin me up on a wet dark thursday evenin! Love Jen xXx

Anonymous said...

so how is it a money-making scam then?
way i see it is that we get stuff with swapits simply for eating healthier stuff - hows that a scam then?

Rincewind SW said...

Because they are only using the website as an excuse to sell that food, the way I see it. It's just the middleman, the bribe. The free stuff is awful anyway... They get extra money from the food, I think that that is clearly explained there.

Anonymous said...

dont see it myself

i got a ipod shuffle from the swapits i collected, thats hardly rubbish stuff is it?

so youre saying youd rather eat junk food and get nothing than eat healthy and get free stuff?